I was still carrying alot of shit around from Cameron. Alot of insecurities, alot of pain, alot of shit. I have been going through my diary, I'm backing it up and possibly moving it, and I have been reading as I move. its hard for me, because I see alot of pain that I have forgotten, and alot of sadness that I wished so hard never happened that I forgot it. I have been seeing the good and the bad times with all my exes, and my own foolishness, my own mistakes, that I had long repressed.

I got to an entry where I posted Saliva's "Always"

I said I didn't know why it touhced me so much.

I listened to the song again, and I saw why. its how it was with Cameron, its how it was at the end, when I was trying for so long to break up with him, unsuccessfully, until I finally did it.

I listened to it again, and I brought up all the old pain and things I was so scared of, as I sang along to it, as loud as I could, releasing it all to music, (its what works best for me) and I cried, I cried, and I ddidn't stop, I just cried and let it out, I let go, I let go of all of it. I just cried and sang and I didn't let my crying stop me from singing and letting it all go. and I did. I let it all go.

I feel better now. I feel lighter. I feel more secure. I feel like, smiling, and like dancing. even though it took hearing the song about three times to get it all out, I still feel better. I feel lighter, airier, safer, I feel more whole.

I feel free.